It's been a long time coming.
Watch this space

First of all, thanks to everyone who waited forever for me to return!

Second of all, let me tell you about an exciting quick weight loss program I discovered yesterday, and which worked ... instantly.

I was at a grocery store, which is like stores are, all over the world. Self-help stores, with their rows and rows of products, their lanes, their trolleys, are still a bit of a novelty for many people who do not live in affluent urban areas.

As I hunted for what I wanted, I noticed a young couple beside me, talking among themselves. They were obviously not well-to-do, self-conscious, and flustered at being in an air-conditioned store where 'rich people' shopped.

They wanted to buy a single candy bar of a particular brand, and which costs less than 1 cent. The lady was clutching that 1 cent in one hand, and clutching her husband with the other. I couldn't help but overhear them as they debated endlessly how no one was attending to them, what they were supposed to do, what the 'system' was at the store.

Exasperated that there was this huge display of candy of every brand imaginable, right in front of them, I finally turned around and said, rather sternly, I must confess, "This is a self-help store. All you have to do is pick up the candy you want, and then go to the counter and pay for it. No attendent is going to come here and do it for you".

The young man turned towards me and said plaintively, "How can we pick up the candy by ourselves? We are both blind!"

Now, I have struggled with a weight problem all my life. Worked out like crazy, gone on starvation diets, tried all kinds of 'cures' ... but I must say, nothing has ever made me feel so small, instantly.

On discovering I am diabetic. Please singalong to the tune of The Doors' 'Roadhouse Blues'

Ah keep your eyes on the food,
Your hands upon the meal.
Keep your eyes on the food
Your hands upon the meal.

Yeah, were going for the food vows
Gonna have a real screwed time.
Yeah, the back of the restaurant,
They got some cake and jello.
Yeah, the back of the restaurant
They got some cake and hello?

Chocklits for the people
Who like to go down slow.

Tootsie roll, baby, roll.
Tootsie,roll, baby, roll.
Tootsie, baby, roll.
Tootsie roll, all night long.

Sugar lady
Sugar lady
Give up your vows.
Give up your vows.

Save our sweety
Save our sweety
Ah, right now

Well, I broke up this morning
And I was full of fear
Well, I broke up this morning
And I was full of fear
The futures uncertain
And the end is always near :(

Hawk that phlegm and sing along with me. To the tune of, Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive", of course.

Not once was I was afraid
Nor was I petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without gears by my side
But then I jumped so many lights
So many turns were so wrong
And I grew strong
And I learned how to chug along

And now they're back
Taking up space
End to end, rear to rear
Those cars just get into my face
I should have changed that stupid lane
I should have gone and had that pee
If I had known for just one second
you'd cut in front of me

Go on now I'll crash your door
Don't turn around now
Because I'm beyond caring anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to overtake me
Did you think my bumper would crumble
Did you think my engine would die
Oh no, not I
I will not drive
Oh as long as i know how to shove
I know cabs keep me alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got a brain like a sieve
and I'll not drive
I will not drive (hey-hey)